My latest album is now out on all streaming platforms!
Big shout out to my friend JOSHUA BENTLEY for painting this AMAZING portrait of me for the album cover! Check out his work or hire him HERE!
About the creation of this album:
Creating Heart Breaking Open was an amazing experience… this being my second album, it felt a lot smoother than my first one, but still a lot of challenges.
The songs themselves came in without much effort – that is always the easy part! However the bringing them into the physical plane is where personally, my ego tends to kick in and the real journey beings… haha.
I started the crowdfunding campaign because I was convinced I needed a professional to produce my album for me and it was outside of my budget.. But I knew if I just kept taking one step at a time that everything I needed would be provided as I go (isn’t it so divine how it works?).
So I was able to hire an incredible producer and he agreed we could take it track by track. Because of some big changes on his end, the initial production was delayed by a month but I trusted the timing on it. And eventually, he sent me back the two songs that I had payed him to produce so far.
He had done an amazing job, exactly what he was supposed to do – however.. It was to my great surprise that I did not like them at all! Now – he did a great job, it was not his fault.. It was simply just not the sound I was going for.. It sounded too polished, too produced.. It sort of reminded me of an episode of a show I watched as a kid (That’s So Raven) where she was asked to be a model and was super flattered – until she got the photos back and found that she had been photoshopped to look super skinny and totally different than how she really looks!
That’s a bit how I felt receiving those songs I felt like I waited so long for.. I really felt like erasing all the mistakes or imperfections of them just… took away from the spirit of the song more than I could bear.
And then I realized the reason I initially wanted to hire someone was because I felt deeply insecure about those “mistakes” or imperfections.. About not having a super polished voice or standard sound. I realized I was holding on to a belief I would never be able to produce the sound I wanted myself.
It was that moment.. One of the most financially expensive lessons of my life so far – that it became really clear that I COULD create the sound I wanted, and the only way for me to do that is to TRY, to practice, and to continue to learn and improve as I go.
And it also showed me that the thing I was most worried about was truly an illusion… that what I felt was bad about my songs was actually something essential about them.. Being real.
I honestly think it would have taken me years to get this lesson if I had not been able to invest so much into it.. Because while I am always aiming to overcome the “tortured artist” archetype – I definitely have trekked through it a lot, often feeling like its never good enough as well as holding myself to a vague, impossible standard or comparison to others.
The myriad of lessons from this is inestimable.. One is learning that in order to be good.. Or especially GREAT at something, you have to be okay with being bad at it at first. And just play, experiment, discover what is possible and understand that when Soul is trying to break something original through you, the path isn’t going to be perhaps the easiest or cleanest.
I realized I am going for a new and unique sound and though I maybe haven’t got it totally down yet.. The only way is to keep practicing and experimenting and trusting.
The truth is that I really am not interested in the super perfect produced standard of the past or adding anything artificial.. While I think it is right to strive for talent and excellence and beauty, and practice the gifts that God has given us of course… a lot of what we have been conditioned to listen to, especially in mainstream produced music is unfathomably processed and artificial.. I won’t go into all that here, but the whole music industry I feel is ripe for the return of the REAL. Real songwriters, real singers, real musicians, real voices – and by real I simply mean people who are expressing themselves fully, authentically, naturally without having to jump through all the hoops of such a strange and often sick industry, also an industry that values money and entertainment over soul and TRUTH. An old paradigm that wants everything to fit a certain image or standard as opposed to the real roots of music and art in general – a form of human communication, expression, story-telling, healing, and so much more than just a hot performer on a stage – divine rememberances from one voice to another.. Whether it be through an MP3 file or around the bonfire, in order to convey an important message or simply to celebrate the joy that we all are.
Breaking through this barrier – being someone who is okay with being weird, imperfect, different.. Especially with something as vulnerable as voice/expression… takes a LOT of courage. Especially for me as I am shy by nature. But I really feel like that is what my soul is calling me towards, and I know I am not alone. I see so many incredible artists rising up that are of a totally different nature than that which we have been accustomed to in recent history. Where music/art isn’t about idolatry or escapism or mimicking but rather… something very real.
And it isn’t to say the music of the past isn’t beautiful or incredible because a lot of it is – rather it just feels we are really entering a new era of art. I say new – but it actually feels very ancient.. And exciting.
So with these songs I hope to bring forth something real. I know it isn’t perfect – but like I said maybe perfect was never the point for this album. For some reason, producing this album in particular was harder for me than my other more recent songs – maybe because the experience I was going through when I wrote them was so intense. Deep experiences of, well, my heart continuing to “break” OPEN – stories of overcoming deep despair and pain, lots of seeing the illusions that were once my life and feeling utterly disillusioned by the truth that was coming through that ultimately led me into far more real and free spaces within myself. And also continuing to find my unique voice and let it be expressed as it is, rather than how I thought that it should be. The moment I finished this album and set it to release I felt a huge shift in my voice and guitar playing – crazy how taking action shifts so much energetically! But it feels like a huge opening for me and I am so grateful for this experience.
So I used the remaining donations instead of hiring a producer, to invest in education about production and creativity, and the ripple effect it had/is having is priceless on my journey so far. This breakthrough has been incredible as I am stepping deeper into my unique voice than I ever have so far.
If this inspires just one person to share their authentic voice more, then I will be so happy – although I am happy just to be able to create this. It reminds me of a beautiful quote from David Bowie that recently came up, in timely fashion:
“Always remember that the reason that you initially started working was that there was something inside yourself that you felt that if you could manifest it in some way, you would understand more about yourself and how you coexist with the rest of society. I think it’s terribly dangerous for an artist to fulfill other people’s expectations. I think they generally produce their worst work when they do that. If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”
Which leads me to another quote from Pianist Arthur Rubinstein when asked what he thinks when someone calls him the greatest Pianist of all time:
“Not only do I not believe him, but I get very angry when I hear that because it is absolute sheer, horrible nonsense.. There isn’t such a thing as the greatest pianist of any time. Nothing in art can be the best, it is only different. I think an artist, whether it be a painter, a sculptor, musician, performer, composer, or whatever.. someone with the title of the artist, having to do with the arts, must have an uncompoundable personality… he must be The One and nobody else. For me, if someone says oh he plays like a second Liszt or a second Paderewski or a second.. A second is already wrong, if hes a second hes no good at all, he’s an imitator. An artist in any way must be alone, a world by himself.”
I really love this and I think it points to something so true – in a way we are all artists, and we all do have a very unique expression to give to the world. It’s important I feel that we don’t just try to copy others (although always be inspired by others!) but seek to create the original thing that our Spirit wants to bring through us – that although there may be billions of humans in the world, God made us all unique – and when we don’t fit in a box doesn’t mean there is something wrong with us but perhaps we have something very different to bring into the world.
That is really what this feels like to me. And it is just the beginning of exploring this depth.
With each song I get to channel, create, and produce in to this world I get to hone in my craft a little bit more.. Discover the kind of sound that I want to create and bring to the world. And this is both a creative experience – and a healing transformational one.
By merely getting to experience and express what God is bringing through me – is MORE than enough. It continues to give me these incredible lessons, blessings, and connections – and develop lots of different skills together and while it still may be more rough around the edges than perhaps it is in my own heart’s vision – I know it is still serving its purpose and I am continuing to learn how to bring the beautiful vision in my spirit into this world as well.
That in fact is plenty for me and – when I get to share it amongst beautiful souls who recognize themselves within it somehow… I can’t imagine a more incredible love.
Within this folder I have the songs from the album, as well as some bonus tracks – some released and some not yet released, some that may never be publicly released (we shall see!). But the process only gets more fun and enjoyable as I remember that is really what all of this is about in the first place.
So again, thank you all so so very much. You played a role in the creation of this album and a foundation for many more to come. I truly feel like this is the groundwork for something even closer to the heart.
I wish you all so much love on your journey and that these songs give you connection, healing, faith, transformation, joy, rememberance, and more. Reminding you that you’re not alone on this journey. And perhaps even inspiring you to create (or continue to create rather) that unique specialness that only YOU can create – whether that be a song, a painting, a book.. Or even a family, a garden, a nourishing recipe – our creative energy is being expressed in so many ways everyday we often don’t realize. But when we tune in with our creative energy I think that is a way we get to experience God so intimately and potently. An infinite Creator that gave us infinite creativity to create infinitely.. Is so beautiful.
Now is the time more than ever for all of us to reclaim our Sovereignty and create the HARMONY, the LOVE, the JOY, the TRUTH we know in our hearts in a time when so many are starving for the real, in a world that has become so artificial and complex.
In whatever you create – know that I am supporting you – whether from afar or please feel free to reach out and share your creations so that I can support them too as we continue to expand that which we know we are here to.
All of my love and gratitude,
Regan Keely
Transforming the Darkness 