I wrote this while I was in Brazil studying the doctrine and sacrament of the Holy Santo Daime- age 21, totally blown away by the mystery and love of this experience~
where am i to go now?
i have glimpsed the interface
of the divine.
i have lived
in this mortal shell
the eternal and the higher.
it is no longer a seeking of you
but a question of
what can i do, for you?
what am i to do, as a human
on this earth?
how am i to find an equilibrium in this ship i sail
on the high waves
between bottomless sea and endless sky?
between the depths of my mortality and the heights of my spirit?
and where am i going, if anywhere?
too many questions i ask i suppose.
for the place i ask is very different from my thinking
from my anticipation
to get to my destination
on a never-ending journey.
i ask, and i receive.
yet what is this new thing i find?
that not knowing created an inexhaustible and defiant search for you
and knowing ceases this kind of search
it has stopped my linear path in its tracks
to find endless trails fractaling out about me,
in every which way.
where is my center?
where do i go?
how can i have patience?
why am i so wired for an anxious seeking
this is the state of confusion
at the gates of the new realm
that my unconscious
has protected me from.
despite my eagerness to find this
i now see the meaning
of the veil.
it is, of course,
the most beautiful.
simultaneously leaving my human mind
dragging on the rocks.
it is that boundless, infinite, nameless void
that has kept me waiting in the safety
of happy human limits- rationalism
for so long.
but i cannot unsee, nor do i wish to.
i am just learning to adapt
to a new layer
of my reality.